cup of life

What safety is there in our lives? Rather, after our lives.

I mean, organic life, us, we, are so incredibly fragile. I'm not someone who would commit suicide, and I'll assure you readers I'm generally quite happy with where I am, but sometimes I think about it. Like when I'm looking out the window, right here, in my apartment. What if I just jumped out? It's the sixth floor, I'd probably die almost instantaneously, and then it would be over. No more, I would die, and never get another go. We only get that one coin, that one credit for the rollercoaster. 

And then it's over. Beyond that point, were fucked forever. Life ends, and you know, if we do get another life, then that won't be us. There is no other life, because you would be born as another person, with another consciousness. And there is no eternal death either, because we are not around to experience it. And Ghandi was oversimplifying things, death will not be like what it was before we were born. An eternity waiting, that has not been experienced, is actually no time at all. An eternity spent not waiting is simply... An eternity. So there was no time before we died, and there's an eternity of time left when we die. Will we experience it? Oh, there's no knowing. 

And the consciousness. What is it? Are we the same as when we were born? No, not necessarily. Well, that depends on your view on death. Is death the nonexistence of our consciousness? If it is, then it can't ever be created again. Not the same one. A new one can be made, but there's no such thing as something flickering in and out of existence. Things cant be rebuilt exactly as they were, because circumstances are never the same. So, when a man dies, and is revived, is that a new consciousness, just with the same memories as the old one? Of course, he would believe he was the same consciousness, because they're virtually unseparateable, undistinguishable. Only difference is, its another consciousness, and the old one is still dead. 

I don't know. Of course, the consciousness could be bound to the brain. Your consciousness could exist only physically. Maybe there is no soul. Well, I don't believe there is, but souls would be cool. Anyway, If there exists only the brain, then when we die, we really are dead. Brains can maybe be rebuilt, but its still a separate brain.

Annoying. The prospects of death are... Annoying. There is no safety in death. Well, I guess there could be found some safety in the uncertainty. We know that we don't know, and can't know, thus there is no point in pondering. We will just have to wait and see. 

Once spilled, you can never make another cup with exactly the same amount of particles in it. It's lost. Eternally. And even if you did manage to do it, it would still be a different cup of particles. 

on vacation! and tanning science!

Currently on vacation with my family in Turkey! Sunbathing and contracting skin cancer and that kind of stuff! Even though I know its bad for you, I sunbathe like there's no tomorrow...

Let me just explain this tanning shizzo for you readers. There are two kinds of radiation involved in the tanning process, both having different ways of tanning you, and in the long term, harming you.

First off, theres the part of the electromagnetic spectrum called UV-A. Ill assume its the one with lower frequency, but I'd have to look it up. What this basically does is oxidise melanin in your skin (Melanin - the same brownish pigment i wrote about in "Eyes in Macro and more Rayleigh LOL"... well, whatever the entry was called...). This causes the Melanin to darken, in turn making you look beautifully tanned. However, UV-B causes a short-term tan, as the Melanin is quickly replaced.

Then theres UV-B, which sounds much worse.

Melanin, in essence, is the active part of the human photoprotective system. Besides being brown and shit, Melanin effectively turns (about 99.9%) the energy of UV radiation into heat, to protect our innards from this dangerous kind of radiation. Naturally dark skinned people have high levels of it in their skin, as they herald from a sunnier place and naturally need more protection. Us white folks dont need to be protected in the same way, because we come from colder climates with less sun. Instead we have smaller amounts of melanin in our skin, which in turn boosts our Vitamin D production - a production dependent of Sunlight.

UV-B sets our photoprotective system into overdrive. How? Well, UV-B destroys DNA, killing our skin cells. As the defences exist to prevent this from happening, it sends a signal to the melanocytes - These produce our melanin - to produce more, because the sun is literally killing us. So thats what a sunburn is, its millions of damaged cells, dying and dissolving. No wonder it itches and burns.

UV-B does however create a long lasting tan (and skin cancer..!), and, while it may sound counterintuitive, some cell-death helps us, because the increased levels of melanin in our skin in turn make us less susceptible to the suns harmful rays in future encounters! And we need the sun, anyway! Staying away from sunlight isnt healthy, we need it for Vitamin D, and light is an important cornerstone in preserving our sanity! And besides, tanning not only makes you a sexy beast, it can be quite relaxing, but its always worth keeping in mind that its not completely harmless!


Anyway, I wont be posting anything before friday, at best. Writing from my dads tablet PC... Its not that great, and I miss the physical, noisy keyboard of my home PC.

hangovers and the essence of humanity

Im back with more skulls... Skulls, skulls, skulls. They give off no expression, feeling, and the absence of emotion is, ironically, almost inhuman. But that's what skulls are, isn't it? A frame, stripped not only of its flesh but also its humanity, the underlying inner workings that make us hate, like, love... Yes, live.

Some would call it a soul, I guess. I don't take any position in that question, but everyone agrees that this capability escapes us in death.

What is it that I've draw? I guess it could be a skeleton with a soul. Feelings, bursting, vacating, escaping after the prison of flesh was unmade.

Or, more poignantly, a hangover after Walpurgis? The skull is the symbol of a dead man. It's quite how I felt today... Well, not really, but you're never supposed to let the truth get in the way of a good story. It wasn't that bad, but hangovers come on harder and more often ever since I was ill with glandular fever. What are they, anyway? Hangovers?

It doesn't really make sense, why do we feel so... Shite after nights of plunder and joy? Well, I'm not going to keep my line of philosophical writing here. We all know alcohol is toxic, yeah? Yet, It turns out, alcohol is not what makes you feel so bad, I mean, of course it's not, it makes you feel good, strong, brave or whatever your personal experience tells.

Hangovers have to do with how the body breaks down things. For example, a long molecule of something like a complex sugar, or whatever, can't directly be used by the body. To make this sugar more practical, the body snaps it in half, creating a smaller sugar. This sugar may then be split into a really simple sugar, like glucose or something (I don't know..! I don't read biology!).

Alcohol kinda goes through the same process. First, its broken down a little. In order to break it down, the body uses a chemical produced by the liver. This chemical, or enzyme, or whatever, is abundant. Alcohol can always be broken down. But then, there's a problem. What it breaks down to is far more poisonous than Ethanol, your everyday alcohol, is.

The process of breaking down continues, but in order for the body to do so, it requires yet another kind of chemical produced by the liver. This chemical, as opposed to the one that breaks down ethanol, is limited. Once you run out of your reserve of this chemical, you're left with piles of very toxic, alcohol derived waste products. These are the things making you feel like... Shit. The liver slowly creates more of this chemical, slowly cleaning up the toxic mess in your blood, while you're lying in bed, waging a losing war against water and sandwiches, the toilet and vomiting jug standing as your only allies.